Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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