I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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