Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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