Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
