you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
