oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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