dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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