i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
