I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
