I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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