I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
