I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
