yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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