She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I touched a dick in church today
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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