Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
