he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
this will be a night to untag.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
