When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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