is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
