I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So vagazzling was a success
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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