Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
