Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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