I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
