You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
