so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
