All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
