Can i not drive my cunt home
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
