Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
