hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
