Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
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She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
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But break dance skills will only take you so far
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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