Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
