Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
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