I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
