Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
