Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
