I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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