I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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