New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
