Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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