The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
