I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Terrible idea I love it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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