you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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