matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
