Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My vagina just recognized that song.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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