He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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