I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
