hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Text me some of your sweat
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
