I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
