new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
