Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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