Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
