I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
