I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
