i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
