I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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