Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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