I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
