if you like me you must not know who I am
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
