Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
These tits shall not be calmed
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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