took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
