I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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