Your mouth is God's brothel.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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