My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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