Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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