fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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