ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
