[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
